Posted on 8th June 2022
Last year I was asked to be best man – of course I was thrilled, but at the same time I was shitting myself. Not only did I have to plan the stag party, but I had to come up with my best man speech – which was easier said than done.
I literally spent about 6 months perfecting it, with just under a month left until the big day, I am still tweaking it, but I think I am almost there.
If you have been asked to be best man, but still struggling to come up with the perfect speech, then let me help you! I have rounded up my top 10 best man speeches and quotes, which you can easily use as a foundation to build yours.
“Unaccustomed to public speaking as I am, I have been fairly nervous before today’s speeches, however Gav was very good and took me aside to help calm me, he said if I did a really good job and went easy on him, I could be the best man at his next wedding.”
“Organizing the seating at a wedding reception can be a tricky business, prone to get political. As best man, I offered to step in and help Paul and Linda. My idea was to use the wedding present list, and put those who bought the biggest items nearest the front, and work it to the back, the smaller the gift. Whoever bought the toast rack won't be able to hear this, as they're out in the car park.”
“I read somewhere that a best man speech shouldn’t take any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Wyatt. (Take drink and sit down).”
“If you could keep the clapping and yelling to a minimum today, I would appreciate it as I have a horrible hangover. I know it’s irresponsible to drink before such a big occasion, but I couldn’t let the groom drink alone.”
“Being asked to be best man is like being asked to make love to the queen. On the one hand it is a great honour, but you dread the moment when you have to rise to perform.”
“I was told specifically by Michelle to keep the groom’s ex-girlfriends away. I didn’t have to try too hard though as there has been an outbreak of foot and mouth in the area.”
“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I’ll admit to you that I’m extremely nervous right now. As the people sitting near to me at the table can testify, it really is possible to smell fear.”
“Nobody ever seems to pay the Groom a compliment, I think you”ll all agree Mike is also looking pretty good. For those of you who don’t know Mike is actually one of the hairiest men in Britain, with that in mind I’d like to thank the staff at Chester Zoo’s Ape and Monkey House on Mike’s behalf for their help in getting him ready for today.”
“I’d also like to congratulate Keith on a truly magnificent speech, I always knew it would be hard to follow, and I was right, I could hardly follow a word of it.”
“For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Ollie and for those of you that do … well I apologise. My full name is actually ‘Ollie would-you-like-a-drink’ For those of you who I chat to in the bar later, I’d appreciate it if you could use my full name.”